Breathe: Brevis Ipsa vita est sed Malis Fit Longior

What keeps you up at night? Have you ever answered that question? Have you ever really tried? Or are you content in having never sought prevention? Sleepless eyes write these words but I do not know any better. I’ve a mind kept alive past the stroke of midnight, awake to witness the world end it’s slumber. Restless since before I can remember.

A clock turned again to single digits as I sit, speaking words to myself that foreign ears would never visit. A hand reaching towards the third hour will get there all too quick, while yours reach for covers, mine, a cigarette. A cigarette and another glass, but not to dull any feeling; the taste is to awaken the body, urged to keep up with the mind, in that it finds it’s meaning.

One only defined by my lack of council or advice, I feel I know what I am doing, what I am unsure of is the price. To stay secluded and content, or reach out hell bent; do I dare close my eyes? Should I again try to sleep when I know it will never come to me, tell me what you would do in this position? While I know experience would teach you otherwise, if you had it you would outlast the dark and reach the morning before the nights illumination. Another race without a prize.

The goal? Survive?

No my friend, thrive.

Know if you’re alive or just existing? What are your days like? Do you start each one waiting for the end? Or do you ponder the morrow every night? I’ve been on both sides of that coin, wasting the clocks currency, spending hours and days as if I possess the infinity. But like all of us, my time will end, that’s a given, if anything. What I would like to know for sure is if you’ve been in the same place as me, and that you also know, that it is temporary.

Temporary like all things; the you’s and the me’s, the good, the bad and the names of lovers carved into trees. The poems we write, the songs we sing, the ones we love we say we’ll never leave, or the people we fall for who we swear are plucked right out of our dreams. The lack of sleep or the overwhelming abundance of it, I hope you get what you need. I know you’d prefer what you want instead, but what if that just isn’t healthy? What if you don’t know better? What if someone has a better perspective for you to see? What if all this is bullshit? What if you just don’t listen to my fuckery?

Because what the hell do I know? I don’t know the kind of life you lead. The lies you’ve told, the trembling hands you hold, there is so much I can’t see. When you say you’re okay I don’t know if that’s what I should believe, should I go deeper? Yeah “that’s what she said” I know, brush it off as a joke, just know I’m here if you need me.

That, is one thing that isn’t temporary.

Like the scars we get, those may still be fixed but you have to ask yourself if you really want that. They may seem unsightly, maybe even ugly but they’ll tell beautiful stories when we look back. How? You ask, well you survived didn’t you? You made it through all the shit you didn’t think you could, life hit you into the dirt, you planted your feet and you grew. Now look at you bloom, it’s amazing, you’re wonderful, you may not be there yet, but soon. And you’ll look back at all this, laugh up the bullshit and marvel at the mirror that blocks out the world, showing only one thing. You.

Brevis ipsa vita est sed malis fit longior – Our life is short but is made longer by misfortunes.

Quod Cito Acquiritur Cito Perit: One Last Drink

We all feel the need to get away sometimes, regardless of where we are. For some that urge is a lot stronger, and the distance, compared to others, far. The time it would take to get there would surpass the entirety of a different path. Comparisons will not suffice, not when what we long to escape from, are our own hearts.

Our own thoughts will track us down, no matter where we go, no matter how distant the destination, if we go the mind follows. Because if that did not happen, a headless journey it would be. You’ve heard of the blind leading the blind, what if we’re the lost trying to take ourselves to sanctity.

Sanctity, sanity and perhaps a little piece of mind. We’re almost there and I know we can get through, but motivation lags far behind. “Keep pushing on” but that is easier said than done we find, especially when the failures are mental, they’re inside. “Is it really real if you can’t see it?” well let me tell you it’s real if you can feel it, but push it down, bottle it up and we’re fine. Right?

Answer that and tell me the truth, don’t let your fat pride drown what’s real in something sweet. Sour as it may be, sometimes we need to savour harsh realities, even if little bites turn into a meal. A feast to get away from and not enjoy, you need to taste what’s real if you ever again wish to appreciate joy. Because like everyone always says; there’s always dark before the light, dawn always follows night and troubles preceed the good life. Which of those, may I ask, do you feel you’re caught inside?

Trapped is how you may feel and like me you’ve longed for escape, a trip or a visit to some faraway place. But if you’re like me you know that solutions don’t magically appear when you go, problems are one thing you can’t help but take. Don’t get me wrong, the going away will feel good for a while, you’ll get days or weeks of smiles and sunshine, but it ends. Because you can’t run forever, eventually you’ll come back from your endeavours, you’ll return and find yourself a little bit lost again.

You can’t go somewhere else to find who you are, you’ll find that out from looking inside. To your mind and your soul, search every inch until there isn’t a single one you don’t know, and you’ll still get surprised by yourself over time. Don’t ever think you won’t, every expert will admit there are things that they don’t know, because the unknown is what drives them towards these things. As slow as life may seem on the bad days and the nightmares that arise from confused dreams; at the end it’s gone in a blink, when that happens will you look back with your thirst quelled? Or will you ache for one last drink?

Quod cito acquiritur cito perit – That which is quickly acquired is quickly lost.