Something, nothing & everything: Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur (Pt.5)

It’s always sunshine after the rains with everyone else, waiting on the rainbow. But have you ever been in the centre of the storm, it’s more beautiful than anyone could know. It’s the light that the world longs for, but the night holds its own secrets. Not the the kind you shy away from, they’re the ones to make you forget even your deepest regrets.

You’re the eye of the storm I chased, without even knowing. I sought an escape from the cold, from the flame, but instead found a twin that wouldn’t succumb to the winds howling. The screams drowning what could have been cries of distress, it could have sounded like calls for help. But in the calm you can hear; these are the cries of longing, a thirst for the hurricane to quell.

As much as we enjoy places of comfort, the people that feel safe. I’ve always thought chaos to be beautiful, even if I hadn’t seen it’s face. I raced for the chance to grasp it, even though I knew it wouldn’t be safe. It stays for nothing and for no-one, the heavenly leave destruction in their wake.

The face I got to see was like nothing I could have envisioned. The eyes told stories that hadn’t yet taken place, the lips whispered beauty that stayed long after the mask had withered. I lingered just to see, with no intention to stay. I let the storm claim me, once I had seen your face, I could not look away.

I wouldn’t have tried to stay, but this is what we need. A life that needs no escape; belonging, peace in the hurricanes wake. I found you and my place, but you’re the one that kept me. I was nothing if not relieved, to be myself because you let me.

So I chased and caught up, lost but you returned. Set free in the wind and seas, through the cold our flames still burned. The waves churned and drove me back, did we get split down the centre? The odds against us stacked, we persevered and the winds withered.

And I said it wasn’t my place anymore, that I had to leave it all to fate. Faith that what happened was for the best, faith that you would be not just, but more than okay. Assurance I could not chase, but I was just in denial. We all know storms cannot be tamed, and you’re one that had to stay in the wild.

We avoided one another for too long, only to come right back. Maybe it was for the best, or maybe it didn’t have any effect. Whichever it was, I wrote this for you, and I know that you did read. Because I typed these letters out but you’re the one that spoke them aloud; without you, this wouldn’t be.

Without you this would be an empty page; the heart, a vacant space. Without you this would have been a bit boring, I would have played it safe. But I love the chaos and that’s what you are, the whisper within the hurricane. It went against all sense to chase you this far, but what did you always say? “I’m glad you came”.

Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur.

Translation: We choose to love, we do not choose to cease loving.
-Syrus

Written for a friend.

Something, nothing & everything: Fluctuat nec mergitur (Pt.4)

We started off as strangers giving each other looks, stopping by with likes on profiles, it’s weird, the things we do. We went from strangers to just talking, talking led to being just friends, friendship gave way to the attraction, it was inevitable in the end.

You asked if I rememberd, if I tried to forget when we decided to listen to sense. Could I recall when we first spoke? Do I remember when we first met? Darling, how could I forget, did you believe that I could? I know I said that the past should be left and moved on from, but did you really expect that I would?

Even if things have changed with everything that led to a break, why did it happen that way? Not everything stayed the same even if we were happy that way, we were strong but so was change. But it is strange how this went full circle, we ended up at the start again. I thought another meant repetition but it brought a new beginning, forgotten wounds had time to help mend.

So this is better now, yes? Remembering brand new conversations, dreams, no more what-if’s.

You said I knew your mind better than you know yours, how ever did I see? When people only saw the surface, a book closed; you opened up to me. A wave encasing a boat, stuck on a seas I hoped were’t just skin deep, gasping for something I don’t quite know, you’re all I want to breathe.

You said you don’t want to belong to anyone, how you’re meant to be free. How you’re not one to be caged and loved, but I’m not the type that keeps. You misunderstood I think, when I told you I think we belong. I am not the anchor and you won’t sink, I’m just a man wading down a river, & you’re the waterfall.

And I’m going to pay for falling for you, with something corny like the rest of my days. I’ll keep losing sleep just because you’re with me, why would I want to dream? Reality is better anyway.

Fluctuat nec mergitur.

Translation: It is tossed by the waves but it does not sink.
-Unknown