Nothing, something, then everything: Amicitia semper prodest, amor et nocet (Pt. 2)

I remember the first time I realised, the first time that I could see, the second I started to comprehend, I remember the moment I knew you had me. It’s one of those things forever etched in my mind, a permanent part of memory. It’s one of the things I couldn’t forget even if I tried, and I couldn’t even if I wanted to be rid of it.

So… Here goes.

It wasn’t just one thing that I noticed, but you were the only singularity, surrounded by a cosmos of truth, I would have turned down dreams to make you my reality. But here I am getting ahead of myself, at the end when I should be at the beginning. Here I am again wanting to show you how things turned out; how a hello turned from nothing, to something, then everything.

You know when you see someone that has your heart, do something incredibly stupid? That’s one of my favourite parts about finding love, just because it means they’re comfortable enough around you to do it. They’ll be goofy and just themselves, it’s ridiculously pure; and they barely begin to cover half of the times I realised that you didn’t just have your foot in the door.

You knocked it down and got in, hinges blown right off the frame. I wish I could say for certain that love always begins like this, but that’s something I’ll have to look for to experience again. Because you’d do something embarrassing and smile, knowing you got caught. But I could see it in your eyes, you knew it only made me adore you more.

If only we could be strangers again, I keep thinking about how great that would be. Not because I don’t want to know you anymore, it’s just that getting to know you made me feel things on levels I didn’t ever see. It felt as natural as gravity, taking long walks through your mind. Getting to see the most beautiful parts of you revealed; all the while, your hand held firmly in mine.

So…

What I’m saying is I feel like checking up on you, but that isn’t my place anymore. I want to know how you’re doing, not because I want you back but because I want to know that the world’s given you the all that you hoped for. I hope that you still love the sun, that you still watch it rise and set. I wish you could see that part of life reflected in your eyes, because that sight could take away anyone’s breath.

So that was for you and this might just be for me, one more ramble about falling in love. You see we stumble but we get caught sometimes, held on to then let go of before we think it’s time, leaving little bits of our hearts. And yes, this is cheesy at parts, but you can’t tell me you don’t love pizza? A little more never made it worse, and a lot only ever made it better.

So love as hard as you can, and try to give more than you get. A little competition with affection if you will, don’t make this a life of things you never got around to; no regrets.

Amicitia semper prodest, amor et nocet.

Translation: Friendship always benefits, love sometimes injures

– Seneca and Publilius Syrus

Something, nothing & everything: Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur

I’ve avoided this for a long time but this for you; this is for everything you are and what you let me see, this is all but an empty gesture, now let’s see how much of this shit I can get through.

This could really be about anyone at all, but I know that you will see, it won’t take you long to realise, if only you would read. I low-key hope that you do, but does it really matter? So much time has passed and I’ve forgotten so much, I really should have gotten this done faster.

Sooner would have been better, but the good things in life can’t be rushed, that’s something we should have realised a lot quicker, maybe then something so whole wouldn’t have so easily turned to dust. We jumped in before we even knew, but I couldn’t help it, there was only you that I knew I had to get to, now do I just sit here regretting it?

Forgetting would be best, but what good would that do? We prided ourselves on our common sense, then let go at the first sign that we could. We should have been smarter and at least a bit more wise, we got so focused on building this thing called us up, that we neglected to notice the signs of our demise.

Maybe we could reprise this version and go back, but will that make a difference? I suspect we’d do the exact same thing all over again, the only change would be our indulgence. Our persistence to savour every moment, every little thing that we now miss; we’ll start the end of ourselves and the end of us all over again, will you admit or attempt to deny this?

Because I won’t, but even if you want to; don’t.

I’m a different person now, I know the same is true for you, and if this me could go back to then somehow, I know you wouldn’t like the parts of me that have started to show through. Maybe I wouldn’t like you and maybe you would have hated me, but how’s that for speculation? The me you knew then wouldn’t be doing this right now, but I’m the version of myself that won’t give thought to self-preservation.

Because that isn’t living; merely accepting our fates, not alive, only existing.

So this is for you and everything that you are, maybe it was too good to be true. This is for everything you taught me, this is for every moment I got to share with you. I hope you never change unless you want to, I hope you don’t lose yourself trying to get close to somebody else. I hope you’re doing better than you ever dreamed possible, I hope that you’re happy in every moment you’re made to spend with yourself.

This is for you and a little bit for me, for all the shit we put each other though. For every second that we were happy, before we realised it was a bit too soon. This is for all the things we said we’d do, what we never got around to; I get to write this now without regrets, because you were unapologetically you.

Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur

Translation: Even a god finds it hard to love and be wise at the same time

– Publilius Syrus and Laberius

Sine virtus, sine laus: You’re in the Way

Have you ever typed out a long paragraph just to let someone know how you feel or to tell them what’s been bothering you? Maybe something happened between you both and you want to try to work out what’s wrong, maybe you just want or need to vent. Did you then look at what you wrote and just, delete it all without hitting send?

Stop that shit.

I’d say that that road leads nowhere but that isn’t entirely true, and we all want the truth right?

What it can lead to is you feeling like your thoughts or feelings don’t matter; maybe you were already there, and maybe that’s why you didn’t hit send. You end up without closure and feeling unresolved, you develop a passive aggressively fixation on anything else that you don’t agree with and that’s a great way to encourage toxic behaviors in either you or anyone you interact with.

Send that fucking paragraph.

“They don’t deserve my reply”, that may be so but do you deserve to possible damage your already beaten mental health? Because that’s what’s going to happen.

Say your piece, speak your mind and ask whatever you think or feel you need to. If the answer you get isn’t what you wanted or it just isn’t something you agree with, then at least you tried. At least you took the plunge and decided to leave things out in the open, because that’s exactly where you want your problems.

Nothing hidden ever gets fixed.

You can’t sweep dirt under your furniture and hope that it’s going to magically disappear, you have to take it out and put it where it belongs. It might be in the trash, just outside or wherever-the-fuck-else, but my point is that messes only get cleaned up when they’re seen.

I’m not saying that you need to put your garbage out where the world can see, just where you and whoever else is involved can recognise that something needs to be done. Make that move. And before you go on about how you “know” what they’re going to say or how they’re going to react, stop for a second and realise what you’re doing.

Assuming.

Assuming, but based on what? What someone else did to you? What you did to another? Assuming what someone else will think just because you’ve got a closed mind?

Recognise what people are doing and react to that; don’t go assuming what they’ll do and then plan your actions. Expectations only lead to disappointment, clean the slate and who knows, they might surprise you.

Because people change; it may not be a huge alteration but change is still change, and it can go both ways. We can become better or worse, just be careful about assuming which is which. What you may see as a breakout of pessimism could just be them being more realistic, what you think is support could just be a bunch of lies wrapped up to look nice. Check yourself; sometimes we focus on the shit other people are doing so much that we forget to look at what we’re doing.

Take a step forward, hit send and remember that not getting a message IS a message. Maybe you aren’t asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person.

And I know it might lead to a shitty day, a shitty week, month or year but some things just have to be done.

Take solace in the fact that someone else may have gone through the same thing that you’re going through right now; they made it through and you can too. They had their down days and moved past them, they got stuck in a runt and moved on. Someone somewhere in the world felt as bad as you do, maybe even worse, but they just kept going, and today could be the best day of their lives. Someone else sent a long message and didn’t get a reply; today they could be hearing someone else tell them that they mean the world to them. Someone else was lonely but today, that person met the love of their life. A loner is out there finally meeting a someone they can call a friend, a real friend. So many good things can happen if you just keep going, someone is having the best day of their life today and someday, that could be you.

Sine virtus, sine laus; stop getting in your own way.

Sine virtus, sine laus – No courage, no glory

Blind: Non est ad astra mollis e terris via

If you were blind you wouldn’t know what colours look like, you would have never laid eyes on the setting sun. If you could not hear you’d be unfamiliar with the sound of music, you wouldn’t know strangers from the voices of your loved ones. If you couldn’t smell, feel or taste you’d miss out on so many amazing things in life. We that have every single sense take in all of the world, but what if it holds more than we can sense with just five?

Now let’s go back to the oldest of cliches; how absence festers appreciation, how distance can make the heart more fond, how missing you will only grow my infatuation. Yes I just said the same thing three times in different ways, but I am only trying to prove a point. I’ll try to show you this world through my eyes, but that’s just what I want to do. What will happen could be completely different, so promises I will avoid.

I may disappoint, so don’t hold your breath, good things come to those who wait. Though there is one thing that no-one will bother to tell you, sometimes the best in life goes to the ones that just take. It’s unfair but that’s how it is at times, there just isn’t any balance. You give and you give, you can be the best that there is and all you’ll get met with is malice.

So balance is gone, bullshit is acceptable and acceptance is at the best of times a stretch. You’ll go through life with nothing but good in your heart and at the end you may see that disappointment is all that you’ve met. I guess we need it sometimes, a knock back into reality, something to keep us less naive. It will make us bleed and question life, but we need to see that it’s right, you see what’s fucked up is that sometimes the truth is the only thing we refuse to believe.

We think that we know, “that isn’t how this will go”, then you get slapped in the face with the truth. “Mind your own business”, so you’d rather live your life in ignorance? Sometimes it’s smooth sailing just because you’re stuck inside a cesspool.

So distance does make the heart grow more fond, it’s just that sometimes the attentions are on something new. Absence will draw you closer to another and missing each other might force you to find comfort with something you never meant to.

All the sense that we have, and no sign of the future, what about a taste of premonition. Try as we may, the odds against us are great when the five only help us take in the present. But that’s all we need, the gift of the now, even if it’s wrapped in complications. Through the webs we can see what the soul will un-weave if we only stop, take a breath, and listen.

So who wants to see the future, we’ve got enough past, and that’s something we only need to reference. Take the years and many days as your chapters and your pages, stick with your gut, go off script and pen your own sentence. Even if you think that you’re finished and your story is over just remember that people do write sequels. Fuck making it short, brief and sweet, write anything and prolong your ending, who cares whether the world thinks it’s good, it’s yours and it’s beautiful. Take your time, prosper & be you.

Non est ad astra mollis e terris via; there is no easy way from the earth to the stars.

Watching the World End: Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit

Have you heard of garden path sentences? If you’re a huge nerd of the languages like I am then you probably have, and if you haven’t, prepare to get pissed off. Just like people, garden path sentences are somewhat difficult to read and are, in my mind, the perfect literary representation of falling in love. A sentence like this always start out in such a way that makes you think you know where it’s leading, but the way it ends completely changes what it means while still remaining a complete and logical sentence. They usually deal with words that have more than one meaning or that can be multiple parts of speech.

Because of this, we get gems like these:
The old man the boat.

• The complex houses married and single soldiers and their families.
• The prime number few.
• The cotton clothing is usually made of grows in India.
• The man who hunts ducks out on weekends.
• We painted the wall with cracks.

You get sentences that fuck with your mind for a bit until you see where they lead and therefore, what they mean. You never really know what something is going to be until you see what it becomes; someone you started casually talking to becomes a good friend, a random person you met online turns into someone you vent to and confide in, a friend you didn’t see anything happening with starts to stir up feelings that make you want more than just something platonic or a simple crush turns into the love of your life.

What do you do when like turns to love? What happens when a friend turns out to be your soul mate?

Sometimes you can tell what things are going to be, at the very least you may see it coming, but you shouldn’t try to fool yourself into thinking that you can do that all of the time. Sometimes you need to see the journey through before you know where you’re going to get; no matter how much you’ve heard, no matter how much you think you know, no matter how close you are to your destination, almost there will never be the same at being there.
I guess what I’m getting at is a lot of the time you need to see something through before you think about giving up, other times you need to just skip to the end. A lot of the time we don’t know what we’re getting ourselves in to, even if we think we do. A lot of the time we think we know better, but do we really?

Now picture the world ending; you’re standing or sitting there, watching the horizon as it gets swallowed up. You feel like you should look around or away but you don’t, you know this is where it ends and even if you didn’t expect it, it makes sense. So you keep watching, then you feel a hand clutching yours, a touch of false reassurance because you know it doesn’t change anything, but it still helps. Whose hand is that? Who do you want beside you when it all comes crashing down? Who would be there to just talk or sit in silence with you? Who do you need to be with you when you can see where time stops and then end begins?

We tend to choose who we spend our time with by who we’ve had or who we’ll make the best memories with, but what if there was no chance for that? What if all you had were those last moments? What if all you had was right now, and nothing else?

Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit: Perhaps someday we will look back upon these things with joy.

Dum spiro spero: While I Breathe I Hope

You meet someone new you like and you think they like you too, but they only want one thing, that one night alone, with you. And that one thing feels good, I know it does, it’s true, but that one thing isn’t all you have to give and you end up looking like a fool.

It’s cruel, this game we’re in but we really have no say, there’s only one rule that no-one ever tells you before you’re tossed in to play. And that one rule will show you how wicked people can get these days, that one rule will make you lose, force you to try again for redemption, force you to stay.

So you stick around and get better, you think you’re making progress, you got hurt once and you learned from it but you see, now you’re getting heartless. The same thing that was done to you, you start to do to others, and you start to see what’s happening but you keep going regardless.

Fuck it, right? Who cares, if you don’t hurt them they’ll hurt you, you got so lost playing your part that you might have ripped apart someone that could have saved you. Save you from the game? No that isn’t possible, they could have been the one to save you from yourself, somewhere along the road you became the problem.

Because that one thing on that one night and that one person that hurt you, could have been the signs you needed to look at, that would have taken you to the road you should have turned to. The detour or the complete turnaround, which way should you have gone? You can regret but it’s too late now, you thought you were right but are you actually wrong? Think about that for a second and let’s look at another perspective, you used to look for a connection now you’re okay to keep the play repetitive. Another night and another one, just to keep you busy, keeping your walls up while they let you in, but you’ll get sick of it eventually.

Eventually you’ll stop to think and feel, when the walls turn into mirrors. They’ll reflect the worst parts of you, hopefully then, to you, the picture will be a lot clearer. You’ll see it’s time for self-reflection, time to accept the truth, I know you fell into something toxic by accident, you didn’t mean to, what you need to realise now is that you let that poison become a part of you.

You let it claim you when you should have been it’s master, you let it drain you and after, venom was all you had to offer. One after another you laced it in everything you said, however sweet the words sounded to those who heard. The ones that listened, that couldn’t see ahead, you chewed them up and spit them out; you saw a little of you in them, and you knew that wasn’t what they deserved.

But that’s how it works, how it keeps going on and on, the game is endless because the players refuse to see their wrongs. Almost too far gone and we don’t want to see, how much we’ve become what we loathe, how much of the reflection is real. How much is left of the person you were when you started? How much of you really believes that you’re cold when it’s obvious you’re soft-hearted? Perched safeguarded behind the walls that you built, it happened so fast but just as quick, they’ll wilt. They’ll fall and just know this, as icy as you want to seem, you’ll want to let it go like it burns when you find that one person that’s real.

The one that makes you want to feel again, the one you want to give your all, but what does that mean exactly when the games twisted what you think of right and wrong. It’s been too long and maybe alone is where you belong, but what if that one person doesn’t agree? What if you’re the one that’s wrong? So maybe once just listen, follow your ignored instincts, you can try to teach an old dog new tricks but can you really change a person characteristics?

The answer is right there, you were always you. You pretended to be someone else, but you’re the only one you fooled. You see everyone that came by you knew, that’s why they were so easily hurt, they saw the good, it was still part of you, you just didn’t see it’s worth. All you saw was dirt but that’s what you needed to grow, out of that cold, dark place, towards the sun, right into that warm glow.

Breathe: Brevis Ipsa vita est sed Malis Fit Longior

What keeps you up at night? Have you ever answered that question? Have you ever really tried? Or are you content in having never sought prevention? Sleepless eyes write these words but I do not know any better. I’ve a mind kept alive past the stroke of midnight, awake to witness the world end it’s slumber. Restless since before I can remember.

A clock turned again to single digits as I sit, speaking words to myself that foreign ears would never visit. A hand reaching towards the third hour will get there all too quick, while yours reach for covers, mine, a cigarette. A cigarette and another glass, but not to dull any feeling; the taste is to awaken the body, urged to keep up with the mind, in that it finds it’s meaning.

One only defined by my lack of council or advice, I feel I know what I am doing, what I am unsure of is the price. To stay secluded and content, or reach out hell bent; do I dare close my eyes? Should I again try to sleep when I know it will never come to me, tell me what you would do in this position? While I know experience would teach you otherwise, if you had it you would outlast the dark and reach the morning before the nights illumination. Another race without a prize.

The goal? Survive?

No my friend, thrive.

Know if you’re alive or just existing? What are your days like? Do you start each one waiting for the end? Or do you ponder the morrow every night? I’ve been on both sides of that coin, wasting the clocks currency, spending hours and days as if I possess the infinity. But like all of us, my time will end, that’s a given, if anything. What I would like to know for sure is if you’ve been in the same place as me, and that you also know, that it is temporary.

Temporary like all things; the you’s and the me’s, the good, the bad and the names of lovers carved into trees. The poems we write, the songs we sing, the ones we love we say we’ll never leave, or the people we fall for who we swear are plucked right out of our dreams. The lack of sleep or the overwhelming abundance of it, I hope you get what you need. I know you’d prefer what you want instead, but what if that just isn’t healthy? What if you don’t know better? What if someone has a better perspective for you to see? What if all this is bullshit? What if you just don’t listen to my fuckery?

Because what the hell do I know? I don’t know the kind of life you lead. The lies you’ve told, the trembling hands you hold, there is so much I can’t see. When you say you’re okay I don’t know if that’s what I should believe, should I go deeper? Yeah “that’s what she said” I know, brush it off as a joke, just know I’m here if you need me.

That, is one thing that isn’t temporary.

Like the scars we get, those may still be fixed but you have to ask yourself if you really want that. They may seem unsightly, maybe even ugly but they’ll tell beautiful stories when we look back. How? You ask, well you survived didn’t you? You made it through all the shit you didn’t think you could, life hit you into the dirt, you planted your feet and you grew. Now look at you bloom, it’s amazing, you’re wonderful, you may not be there yet, but soon. And you’ll look back at all this, laugh up the bullshit and marvel at the mirror that blocks out the world, showing only one thing. You.

Brevis ipsa vita est sed malis fit longior – Our life is short but is made longer by misfortunes.

Quod Cito Acquiritur Cito Perit: One Last Drink

We all feel the need to get away sometimes, regardless of where we are. For some that urge is a lot stronger, and the distance, compared to others, far. The time it would take to get there would surpass the entirety of a different path. Comparisons will not suffice, not when what we long to escape from, are our own hearts.

Our own thoughts will track us down, no matter where we go, no matter how distant the destination, if we go the mind follows. Because if that did not happen, a headless journey it would be. You’ve heard of the blind leading the blind, what if we’re the lost trying to take ourselves to sanctity.

Sanctity, sanity and perhaps a little piece of mind. We’re almost there and I know we can get through, but motivation lags far behind. “Keep pushing on” but that is easier said than done we find, especially when the failures are mental, they’re inside. “Is it really real if you can’t see it?” well let me tell you it’s real if you can feel it, but push it down, bottle it up and we’re fine. Right?

Answer that and tell me the truth, don’t let your fat pride drown what’s real in something sweet. Sour as it may be, sometimes we need to savour harsh realities, even if little bites turn into a meal. A feast to get away from and not enjoy, you need to taste what’s real if you ever again wish to appreciate joy. Because like everyone always says; there’s always dark before the light, dawn always follows night and troubles preceed the good life. Which of those, may I ask, do you feel you’re caught inside?

Trapped is how you may feel and like me you’ve longed for escape, a trip or a visit to some faraway place. But if you’re like me you know that solutions don’t magically appear when you go, problems are one thing you can’t help but take. Don’t get me wrong, the going away will feel good for a while, you’ll get days or weeks of smiles and sunshine, but it ends. Because you can’t run forever, eventually you’ll come back from your endeavours, you’ll return and find yourself a little bit lost again.

You can’t go somewhere else to find who you are, you’ll find that out from looking inside. To your mind and your soul, search every inch until there isn’t a single one you don’t know, and you’ll still get surprised by yourself over time. Don’t ever think you won’t, every expert will admit there are things that they don’t know, because the unknown is what drives them towards these things. As slow as life may seem on the bad days and the nightmares that arise from confused dreams; at the end it’s gone in a blink, when that happens will you look back with your thirst quelled? Or will you ache for one last drink?

Quod cito acquiritur cito perit – That which is quickly acquired is quickly lost.

Muffins & Hot Chocolate: Alis Propriis Volat

You think you’re a wallflower, but really you’re a painting hanging on the wall of a gallery that everyone wants to visit. You’re the work of art that everyone asks about, the one that every artist wishes they created. To try to describe you in words would only do a disservice to all that you are, but heaven knows I will try my best. To do you justice is my goal, the hardest task I think I have ever attempted.

If the last time we talked were the last time that happened, would be happy with the way it went? Would you wish we said more or less? Would you want to try again?

I ask these questions not for myself but for everyone you know, because no-one really gets to ask them. We waste copious amounts of time going over scenarios in our minds that may not ever come to fruition, gnawing over could-have-been’s and what-if’s about situations where we ignored our intuitions, when we should have listened.

Listen, and try to understand, not just to form a reply, don’t overthink what I’m projecting I haven’t yet broken the ice. Our minds race a million miles even before anyone is close to the middle of reaching their conclusions, we meander towards self-gratification when we should be fighting for resolution.

Resolution and peace, but never be complacent with mediocrity. You deserve the best, this we both desire; do not resist but fight with me.

I know everyone has their ups and downs, and you may have experienced more of the second. Even if you doubt it, better things will come. You just need to keep going, even if you fail, go on living but take your lessons. Because life will teach us better than any one person can, we only have to listen. Understand what it endeavours to teach us, take head of its mission.

It is a tiring journey and it can be beautiful, but that depends on the eyes we see it through. Because I can see the things that have gone wrong, then my gaze shifts to you, and honestly you’re unbelievable. I can hope all I want for you to see what I do, but that isn’t up to my judgement. You only see yourself through your own eyes and with your own mind, those are jewels of their own right, but have they come to see what I have yet?

I see a person possessing a heart of gold, thawed by your own warmth, even if the exterior seems cold at the start. Eyes that lead to a deep soul and a mind that holds so much more than anyone could ever know, a person I’d be lucky to explore but I don’t know if I’m brave enough.

But that is only my opinion, what you think of yourself is infinitely more important.

I’m not trying to be right, or the one that say’s “I told you so” when you realise how amazing you are, because being right doesn’t matter. What others think of you is none of your business and your own thoughts are much more significant, I hope for you more of the positive latter.

So think yourself the wallflower all you want, just know that you’re admired. As sure as the sun sets and rises again, the appreciation will not expire.

Alis propriis volat (Latin) – She flies with her own wings.

The literal translation of the phrase is actually gender neutral but is often done so with a “she” because it was originally used to describe nations, which are usually described as feminine.

It Gets Better: Forsan miseros meliora sequentur

What would you do if you knew the world was going to end tomorrow?

When you were young, did you believe in Santa Claus? Did you write letters and hope that you were good enough that year to stay off the “naughty list”? Did you believe in the Easter Bunny? Did you get excited about a visit from the Tooth Fairy every time a tooth came loose? Or did you know it was all bullshit?

I can’t remember believing in any of those things, what I do remember is thinking that the notion that imaginary creatures brought toys, chocolate eggs or money to kids was a little silly, okay I thought it was downright fuckery. First of all, it is physically impossible for Chris Cringle make the trip delivering gifts in a single night, even considering the time differences there is still the fact that not every house has a fucking chimney. Secondly, come on.

How’s that for an argument? “Come on”.

Now it probably sounds like I was a terrible kid to be around; with all my negativity and unnecessary logic. I was unpopular, but for the most part I was just loud and cheerful, and I didn’t try to ruin the myths other kids believed in. Which I think is important; not the myths, but the belief.

You can disagree with someone all you want, but if what they do does not directly affect you, then is it really any of your business? Is you having an opinion warranted or in any way useful? Because at some point all you really are is a comment or like on a Facebook status, you’re one voice in a crowd shouting at a singer on stage like they can actually hear what you’re saying; you gave something your attention but what now? Nothing, it doesn’t change anything.

So what about the people that are actually doing wrong? The criminals, politicians, adulterers and frauds, do we just ignore them without consequence? Or is it different? 

Consecutive synonyms aside, it is different. Those are issues of morality, what’s right or wrong and they’re everyone’s business, but don’t get that confused with your opinions on how someone lives their life in private.

The children that believed in Father Christmas and all that other nonsense did so in innocent acceptance. They were told something and they took it to be the truth, I didn’t agree with it but where they thought their gifts came from didn’t affect me; I still got mine and they theirs. The differences in how we were raised and what we believed in didn’t really matter, what did matter was that we could get along.

And we did.

As we get older we notice more, we start to see similarities where we once only saw differences and differences in things we thought were inseparable. You start to see that the world you once thought was just black and white turns into shades of grey, and as we progress those dreary tones become a spectrum of colours that we thought were only possible in a sky filled with fireworks after the countdown to the New Year. 

The New Year that you used to celebrate in the company of your siblings and parents, company that turned into extended family and then your friends, backyards that turned into clubs and dinners that turned into nights you can’t remember with all the people you hold dear. Before you know it, you’re embracing and kissing your soul mate to the sound of colourful explosions in the sky, a painfully beautiful idea.

It’s too beautiful to miss out on even if it isn’t your idea of happiness; maybe you’re just tired, maybe your feet hurt and all you want to do is take a long shower and lay down for a while. Maybe your happiness lies in the company of friends or a successful career.

I don’t know, you’ll find out when you get there.

And you’ll only find out if you keep moving forward, progressing; by all means remember and cherish the past but don’t get stuck inside it. Don’t get so caught up in what you think someone else shouldn’t be doing that you lose sight of what you should. Don’t let yourself get caught in hating someone or letting yourself be bothered by what someone else believes, those are roads to bitterness and disappointment and if you’ve been there before or are there now, I just hope you’re learning. 

I hope you’re getting better even if it is just by an inch at a time; progress is progress, love is love and hate is a cycle you shouldn’t ever let yourself get trapped in. Put one foot in front of the other or bring them to the same standing, whatever you do make sure you absorb all even if you feel like you’re losing. Life is the cruellest teacher there is and you can loath the lessons all you want, but you’ll hate yourself more for wasting the opportunity to learn and become a better you because of them.

Live, learn and love.